Water and air temperatures both hovering near the low 60’s my young stalwart sons took to the surf with an abundance of enthusiasm late this afternoon.

It did not take long however for their autism related sensory perception deficiencies to evaporate and a hasty retreat was made from the frothy brine.

While the thermometer reading may have been moderate, when paired with a leeward breeze of near ten knots berries are apt to frost, boys n berries in this instance.

Equipment stowed, companions snugly in the comfort of our truck’s cab I engaged the dashboard heater to knock their chill off.

A collective sigh issued from my two teens the dunes were traversed as we witnessed the last breath of sunshine expelled upon this majestic dusk….another contented Thursday.

Written by, Chris Lynch


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I think that all things happen in the universe for a reason, not that everything is predetermined or anything like that, more like a balance of unseen cosmic forces that keeps everything in life balanced based on how you choose to live it.

In my early twenties there was little balance, everyone has a different balance.

For me, I’m more of a “caretaker”.

Something in my DNA makes me truly happy when I help and take care of others.

When my wife Keri got pregnant with my son it created a unilateral shift in every single aspect of my being.

It was no longer a struggle to be better, it was no longer a struggle to be the best me, it became a battle to become the very best version of me, which in itself can be just as destructive as irresponsibility or other behaviors.

The strive to be perfect creates a robot, whatever situation you may present yourself, perfection is not a marriage, realizing you two are a team is. Even on a team sometimes you can have teammates who disagree, become unhappy with things.

Teams aren’t perfect either, and it’s about finding a healthy functional balance between team work and remaining a unique individual.

The moral of the story is you are going to spend a lot of time trying to be the best you for your children, and your spouse, and your siblings, and whoever else it may be but sometimes you have to accept the fact that you are not perfect.

You can leave dishes in the sink for a while and not feel bad about it, you can eat a little crappy sometimes.

I don’t know if you need to hear that but you earned it.

Look at what you do everyday, really break it down and you’re not rewarding yourself enough. I don’t just mean with tangible things, just moments of peace and general mental well being.

It was my son who taught me this.

Watching him focus on a task, and then be able to do another task, and then do another task, and come right back to it. I admired the ability to focus like that, and somewhat realized I had lost my easy-going nature.

While it gives the illusion he is not focused, it’s actually the entire opposite. He is focused on more things than you could ever imagine.

Just not the bad things, he exists completely in the moment, sometimes a plan in place, sometimes just going on a whim.

I guess our relationship together bonded really when I stop trying to think how I would do things and tried to think how he would do things.

Liam has made me a much more balanced human being; I needed that balance in my life.

I have no doubt in my mind he came into my life just as he is for a reason.

He’s brilliant, funny, loving and carefree.

What’s best of all is that he doesn’t adhere to social norms. He has unintentionally shown me that social norms are actually ridiculous.

A string of past customs and ideas we cling to out of fear of the unknown. What joy it must be to just be a human, to live the real human experience.

I hope with every bit of my being that he never loses that, and creates and shapes a new and better future for people. I truly believe he can do that, because he thinks differently, and this world needs a little more different.

Get on their level, and you will discover you have a son or daughter who is more connected with being a human than you or I do.

All you can do is teach and guide them, and help them be the best version of who they are, while staying who they are.

Written by, Frank Chismar

Frank is a Corrections Officer, Husband and devoted father to his daughter and son.


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When I watched this video back it really hit a cord with me.

It starts off with him using the electronic hand dryer on his own and by choice. Showing that he is capable of overcoming his fears alone.

I have never had a conversation with my son. He will be 5 in February.
 
I get joy out of the few words he gives me. I get joy out of his stimming. When he flaps his hands and smiles, I know that he is happy.
 
He has never told me he is happy.
 
He has never told me he had fun at school. He has never told me about his day at all for that matter, let alone that it was fun.
 
I feel so connected to him that sometimes I forget he doesn’t speak.
 
He is a great parrot. He can say what he knows he is supposed to say. He has adapted to “fitting in”.
 
To masking.
 
To following society’s rules to make us happy.
 
So much so that you can’t see his struggles. So much so that when you see his picture and his smile that you have no clue how hard he is trying.
 
He gives his all to us every day.
 
When he has a hard day, when he cries, when he screams, when it is all too much, I put him first. I know it hurts him more. It hurts him to not be understood.
 
I will forever put myself in his shoes.
 
I will forever see his side.
 
I do not feel bad if I cannot attend an event or a party.
 
Why?
 
Because that is no longer my reality, that is no longer my world.
 
My world is with my son, my family, and the ones who want to join this world are welcome.
 
I am not missing out.
 
I am grateful to have this new reality.
 
I would choose this journey of self-discovery over any drink with a friend, over any party, over any social gathering for that matter.
 
This is where I belong.
 
Liam speaks to me every day.
 
If you listen hard enough, you might just hear his words too.
 
Liam lives in the now. He does not live for tomorrow or dwell on yesterday. He simply lives in the present moment and all it has to offer.
 
I choose to live in the now by his side.
 
I do not think, what if. There is no what if. There never was.
 
Liam is exactly who he is supposed to be and I am exactly where I have always been destined to be.
 
I would take this now over any what if.

Experience leads you to certain levels of human empathy.

What level are you?

Today I asked my daughter if she wanted to go get pizza and then go to Barnes and Noble when I got home from work.

She was very excited as we don’t get out much during the week. Especially if I don’t have my rock of a husband with me for support.

Outings don’t always go as planned in this special world of ours and it is to be expected.

I put on my imaginary Special Needs Mom hat and faced the challenge head on.

I picked up Maya from home and then we picked up Liam from his behavior school. Liam came running out to me all smiles as he always does and then his teacher gives me a short recap of his day.

All was seemingly going as planned.

We got in the car and I asked Liam “Do you want to get pizza?”

He said “Yes!”

Clear skies ahead.

We walked into the pizzeria and to the right by the register was 3 refrigerators of soda. This is Liam’s Kryptonite. It can stop him in his tracks and flip his world upside down, and that is exactly what it did.

I let him go over and start his bottle organizing while I ordered our pizza.

I let him organize for a minute or 2 more and then tried to redirect him. I was able to get him to pick my soda and walk to a booth but then the screaming and crying started.

He would stay and organize those bottles all day if he could.

Now, what is a Mother to do?

I can’t let him stand there and keep the refrigerator doors open.

This is where my initial question comes in.

What type of human are you?

As I sit there trying to calm my son, asking him to take deep breathes and counting to 10 with him, as I asked him to touch his nose and head and ears, what are you thinking?

I know I am thinking of calming my son so my daughter can enjoy a pizza night with me.

I know I am thinking, I hope I am not ruining everyone else’s pizza night.

I know I am thinking, I want to say sorry to the employees.

I know I am thinking, why can’t I help my son, what am I doing wrong.

I know I am thinking, if I walk outside he will not be able to learn in this moment and I might never get him back in.

What are you thinking?

Are you thinking I am a terrible Mom who is too nice to my son and that is why he won’t behave?

Are you thinking, take that kid outside so the rest of us can enjoy our meals?

Are you judging me?

Are you judging my son?

Are you putting yourself first?

OR

Have you had an experience in your life that has given you the gift of empathy.

You see, I never know the company I have in these situations and there is no way for me to tell.

I can feel the energy in the room shift but I can not bring myself to make eye contact.

I have to focus on my son and there is no room for apology or explanation.

I decided to let Liam organize a little more and I told him “We will count to 60 and then all done.” He responded “17” so that was the number.

Liam proceeded to organize while I slowly counted to 17.

He picked another soda and though we didn’t need it, we brought it to the table. This is a pick your battles kinda situation.

He cried at the table a little longer until I got my phone out and put YouTube on and then the pizza came.

He calmed down and watched his PBS kids intros (yes, just the intros) while I cut his pizza for him.

I still could not look around the room.

Which human are you?

Are you thinking, the only way for her to calm her kid is to give him the phone.

OR

Are you thinking, I am so glad she was able to get him to calm down.

I know not everyone understands Autism. You can’t if you haven’t lived it.

What I ask is that you give parents the benefit of the doubt. That you realize that 5 minutes of screaming felt like 20 minutes to us. That you feel our frustration over yours. That in your booth, that you can calmly eat your pizza in, you just give me 5 minutes of your relaxation so that me and my daughter can enjoy 10 minutes eating our pizza out together.

To realize this night is much more to us than you realize.

Frank and I jumped on for an Instagram live to discuss our success with potty training. We had a few people ask us for tips.

If you missed it, here it is!

The theme was “We don’t know” 🤷🏼‍♀️

Liam tells him autism story.