I think that all things happen in the universe for a reason, not that everything is predetermined or anything like that, more like a balance of unseen cosmic forces that keeps everything in life balanced based on how you choose to live it.
In my early twenties there was little balance, everyone has a different balance.
For me, I’m more of a “caretaker”.
Something in my DNA makes me truly happy when I help and take care of others.
When my wife Keri got pregnant with my son it created a unilateral shift in every single aspect of my being.
It was no longer a struggle to be better, it was no longer a struggle to be the best me, it became a battle to become the very best version of me, which in itself can be just as destructive as irresponsibility or other behaviors.
The strive to be perfect creates a robot, whatever situation you may present yourself, perfection is not a marriage, realizing you two are a team is. Even on a team sometimes you can have teammates who disagree, become unhappy with things.
Teams aren’t perfect either, and it’s about finding a healthy functional balance between team work and remaining a unique individual.
The moral of the story is you are going to spend a lot of time trying to be the best you for your children, and your spouse, and your siblings, and whoever else it may be but sometimes you have to accept the fact that you are not perfect.
You can leave dishes in the sink for a while and not feel bad about it, you can eat a little crappy sometimes.
I don’t know if you need to hear that but you earned it.
Look at what you do everyday, really break it down and you’re not rewarding yourself enough. I don’t just mean with tangible things, just moments of peace and general mental well being.
It was my son who taught me this.
Watching him focus on a task, and then be able to do another task, and then do another task, and come right back to it. I admired the ability to focus like that, and somewhat realized I had lost my easy-going nature.
While it gives the illusion he is not focused, it’s actually the entire opposite. He is focused on more things than you could ever imagine.
Just not the bad things, he exists completely in the moment, sometimes a plan in place, sometimes just going on a whim.
I guess our relationship together bonded really when I stop trying to think how I would do things and tried to think how he would do things.
Liam has made me a much more balanced human being; I needed that balance in my life.
I have no doubt in my mind he came into my life just as he is for a reason.
He’s brilliant, funny, loving and carefree.
What’s best of all is that he doesn’t adhere to social norms. He has unintentionally shown me that social norms are actually ridiculous.
A string of past customs and ideas we cling to out of fear of the unknown. What joy it must be to just be a human, to live the real human experience.
I hope with every bit of my being that he never loses that, and creates and shapes a new and better future for people. I truly believe he can do that, because he thinks differently, and this world needs a little more different.
Get on their level, and you will discover you have a son or daughter who is more connected with being a human than you or I do.
All you can do is teach and guide them, and help them be the best version of who they are, while staying who they are.
Written by, Frank Chismar
Frank is a Corrections Officer, Husband and devoted father to his daughter and son.
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